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- Blaming your farts on me ... not funny ... not funny at all.
- Yelling at me for barking ... I AM A DOG!
- How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn't all over everything while you're gone. Have you noticed that your toothbrush tastes a little like cat spit?
- Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?
- Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose ... stop it.
- Yelling at me for rubbing my bum on your carpet. Why'd you buy carpet?
- Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that firm handshake thing yet.
- How you act disgusted when ! I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous.
- Dog sweaters. Hello ... have you noticed the FUR?
- Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.
- When you pick up the poop in the yard. Do you realize how far behind schedule that puts me?
- Taking me to the vet for "the big snip," then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back.The sleight of hand, fake-fetch-throw. You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain.
